Saturday, August 25, 2012

Frustration

I did not get my answer Monday like I was hoping.  Right before the appointment, my neurologist's office called to reschedule.  I felt this great sense of disappointment then a great deal of fear. It was very emotional.  I felt like crying but instead my lip quivered and then I pulled myself back together. 

It is frustrating...waiting to know one's fate.  One one hand, I love my job and want to continue to grow in my current field.  On the other hand, I miss Colorado.  I miss my friends, my family, and those beautiful mountains.  I miss knowing I can decide I want to ski and just go.  No pre-planning required.....just put my equipment in the car and go. 

I do not know what is going to happen though.  And as frustrating as this whole process is, I can not let it interfere with living my life.  I can not let it determine my fate.  I see it this way.  If I lose my job due to my diagnosis then it just was not meant to be.  Maybe there is another plan for me.  I am anxious to know what exactly that plan is but until then I am going to make the best of each day.  THAT is something I have control over.

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